Relationships 101

Wow has it ever been a while since you have gotten Yahtzee's roll on life. I would like to think that my poor viewership is because it is nice out and people are enjoying their summer break. The key word there is "like".  A whoppin 6 people read the last one. I even tried to estimate the percentage of the world population who would read it, and I overestimated big time. I have a feeling this is due to me only appealing to the male population. So I have decided at least for this one time to try and appeal to both sexes.

I have titled this post Relationships 101 and have mentioned jokingly a few times that I should hold a seminar in chapel for the women at NWC. Even though I think I am an expert in this field, my in class experiments have not received very high marks so I cannot move up to 201 until I pass 101. Hopefully if you are in this 101 stage I can help you move up to 201. I will be covering some of the basics I have gathered over my failed experiments while throwing in some of my own roll.

When writing a paper or giving a speech you are supposed to establish some credibility. This is where this blog falls apart. I am trying to appeal to both sexes in this post but I cannot even do it real life, so I am still unsure how I will do it in this blog. This is either great news or bad news. Great news if you are a lady and wondering if I am single. Bad news if you are lady because you have already quit reading or because by the end of this post my situation with the ladies will probably worsen. I see this as a double win (thanks coach Talley for helping me see the double win in every situation even when it is a double lose). 

CHICK FLICKS: Every girl I have ever known loves The Notebook and thoroughly enjoys watching a romantic film AKA "chick flicks". Honestly I do not mind watching a chick flick every now and then (However I refuse to watch The Notebook until I am very advanced in a relationship or married). The key to watching a chick flick is seeing it from the man's perspective. For example, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days from the man's view is How to Win a Girl Over in 10 days. I know, I am a genius. Now back to my point with chick flicks. In these movies, the girl always realizes near the end that the man she originally was going after was a loser and there was another guy who loved her for who she was. This is all happy and lovey dovey but far from reality. I want to see a chick flick where the girl does not figure out the guy is a loser, and she ends up marrying him and there isn't a happy ending. Statistics prove that about 50% of the time this happens, even to the finest of NWC. Therefore, I think about 50% of chick flicks should have a bad ending. Get back to reality women. 

MORALE OF THE STORY: Women tend to think with their hearts more than their brains. Make sure you are using both.

EXCLUSIVE: People always talk and ask "so are you guys exclusive?" This is the dumbest thing in my opinion. I think you are always exclusive. Either you are exclusive to yourself or you are exclusive with one person. Obviously exclusive to yourself means you are single and not talking to anyone of the opposite sex. Exclusive to one person means you are talking, dating, or married to one person. If you find yourself talking to someone of the opposite sex and then find out they are interested in someone else, one of two things happened. Either they are pulling the "we are just friends" or they were confused on who they liked. Either way these are not the people you want to be going after. There should never be a time where you are talking to multiple people. People have enough trouble dealing with one person. How are you supposed to handle multiple? And do not give me that bull "oh we are just friends and talk a lot" (I will cover this BS more in depth later). 

MORALE OF THE STORY: Men be a "one woman" man. Women be a "one man" woman.

HANGING OUT: This is directed at women for the most part but could be pointed at some men. No dude just wants to hang out with girls because if he is just looking for a good time he will choose hanging out with other dudes every time. Let's face it. Dudes are just way funnier and come up with crazier plans and ideas. This is why women love to hang out with guys and think nothing is there. In reality, if a guy is hanging out with girls there are a couple reasons why. Number 1, and usually the only reason, is that he is interested in a girl. If the hanging out is always in a group this is because the guy is not ready for a one-on-one hangout yet. If you are a girl and think hanging out with a guy one-on-one is because you are just friends, think again. Number 2 is that one of the dudes friends has a girlfriend so his guy friends are just hanging out with her girl friends. This is a group setting and completely harmless. But what you may find in this scenario, is that you find a special someone anyway because that is what couples do. They set up their friends. 

MORALE OF THE STORY: Men, do not just hang out with girls unless you have a motive because this is how women get confused. Women if you are hanging out with a guy mano a mano he is most certainly interested.

JUST FRIENDS: The worst possible thing a man can hear is "I wanna be just friends" or "we are just friends". I know for me and probably many other men as well, I would rather just get rejected than have a girl want to be "just friends". The only time a man may say he still wants to be friends with a girl is after a break up or stoppage of play, but this is only because he does not want it to be awkward. And by the way, aren't you supposed to marry your best friend? So when a girl says she wants to be "just friends" a man should be optimistic right? Even I cannot take that last statement seriously. To the girls, no guy wants to be just friends. Referring back to the hanging out section, if a guy was looking to be "just friends" he might as well forget the girl and go back to his guy friends. Girls are the only ones who benefit from being "just friends" because like I said before, dudes are just hilarious and awesome to be around. Women who are "just friends" have a parasitic relationship with men. They benefit while the man is harmed. 

MORALE OF THE STORY: "Just friends" rivals one other scenario (I will cover the other one later) as the worst situation for a man to be in. Men avoid it. Women don't ruin a man like that.

FRIEND ZONE: This is the most dangerous territory for a man to be around. There is a fine line between the friend zone and becoming friends with a girl to hopefully court her. When I say this line is fine, it is so fine that you could be on one side of the line and then all of a sudden a slight breeze blows you way over to the other side. This might as well be called the DANGER ZONE instead of the FRIEND ZONE. It is unbelievably obvious when someone is in the friend zone, too. I often find myself laughing at these people even though somewhere deep down inside I grieve for that man because sometimes it is not his fault. Women are too shallow sometimes. It is a double standard, but men are "allowed" to be shallow because they get to choose who they go after (Ultimately it is the girl who decides if they date or not so women use this power wisely).  However, some guys live in the friend zone. I have no sympathy for these guys. For some reason they love getting deep into the friend zone with a bunch of girls. I think to myself "hey dude that's cool that you have all those sweet girl friends but don't have any guy friends." That was sarcastic of course. If you are a guy and find yourself getting close to the friend zone it is time to SOAP (strap on a pair) up and ask her on a date. If you get rejected nothing changes except all of a sudden you become exclusive to yourself which is actually pretty awesome. Do not ever get rejected and continue down the path of the "just friends" but we hang out all the time. Once you start down the dark path of the friend zone, forever will it dominate your destiny (just had a Yoda moment there). There are RARE instances where a man must enter the friend zone. This is usually because she is not ready to date for whatever reason. Tread carefully my young grasshoppers, and as soon as you sense the friend zone becoming long-term get the heck out of dodge. 

MORALE OF THE STORY: Men, SOAP up and ask her out. Women do not let a man wander in the friend zone. Let him know if he has chance or if he should give up. 

GOD RELATIONSHIP: There is no doubt if you have been around the NWC campus, or any Christian campus for that matter, you have heard of this statement “I need to work on my relationship with God before we can date.” This is lamest excuse known to the relationship world and rivals “just friends” as the worst possible situation for a man to be in. Most of the time I interpret it to mean “I don’t want to date you now or ever”. The worst part about this excuse is that it is flawless. It is un-arguable. If you question someone saying they don’t need to work on their relationship with God, you all of a sudden become a heathen. Maybe I am a terrible person because I question the validity of this excuse all the time. Shouldn’t you have your relationship with God worked out before you even attempt to start seriously talking to a member of the opposite sex? Are all these people suddenly realizing “oh shoot I really like this awesome person but my relationship with God sucks?” Ya I laughed at that last statement, too. According to Proverbs, iron sharpens iron so technically a relationship with another human should strengthen your relationship with God. Drew Shepp just hashtagged boom right there (don’t you just hate when you know you are a genius). I could semi understand a situation where this excuse is used, and the couple continue to hang out and move towards dating. AKA the “hiatus.” I still do not applaud that situation, but at least it lacks the underlying meaning of this excuse most of the time.

MORALE OF THE STORY: Getting your vertical relationship right before you work on a horizontal relationship with the opposite sex will help you avoid this excuse forever. 

These are just a few of the basics to the relationship world. Thus this is only a 100 level post. Sometimes the truth can hurt and this post maybe opened a few eyes. I have no filter and I speak truth. Hopefully with my help you have passed Relationships 101. I realize that in my due time I may too pass, but until then I am in the Bachelor to the Rapture club and reppin hard.

Keep Rollin Yahtzees