Home Alone: Hinton

I am chilling at the hotel in Florida pre-gaming because I have about 45 minutes before we go to Ruth's Chris Steak House. Before I purged myself to near death levels, I figured I would put together another blog post that .0000000036 of the world will read. That number is based on past viewership and of course boosted a bit because I figure I can only go up from here. Also, it could only help my ego so I rounded up a hair. If you were hoping I am going to write about my time in Florida so far, you can stop reading because I am not going there. Sorry for the let down, but since you already opened up the blog post my numbers will still appear as though you read the whole thing.

Now that you know I am in Florida, I want to share a little about my past few days before I arrived in the sunshine state. My family (Dad, Nate, Stephen) left on Friday afternoon and drove down. Meanwhile Jon drove down to Omaha Friday night and his flight left early Saturday morning. So from Friday night to Wednesday afternoon I was the man of the house (not that I am not most of the time anyway). Being the lone wolf in the house brought several things to my attention. Some of these things were positive while others were negative. You always want to hear the bad news first before the good news, so I figure why ruin a good thing.

1. Food
By far the biggest negative was my food issue. If you read my post "Pinterest Confessions" then you already know far too well my cooking abilities or lack there of. If not, I will give you a quick reminder. My entire cooking repertoire is eggs, cereal, sandwiches, mac n cheese, and hot dogs (especially cheesy hot dogs). This is the entire list I gathered verbatim from that post. Honestly I did not even plan it this way, but ironically (or not because those are my only options) those were the only things I ate for meals during my stay alone. Embarrassing, funny, empathetic. However you want to feel about that last statement is fine with me. Breakfast is always cereal. At Blue Bunny, I always have some sort of sandwich for my lunch.  I cannot recall for sure, but I think this was the exact order of my supper time meals starting Friday night and ending Tuesday night. Mac n cheese, hot dogs, sandwiches, eggs, mac n cheese. If I am going to remain single for long after my college days, I fear for my life due to being malnourished. Either that or my rock solid abs will turn into a flabby gut real quick. Oddly enough, both death and obesity severely limit my future options when it comes to a relationship.

Besides being a necessity for life, food was really my only problem, and for just a short while I seemed to manage just fine. Obviously I was a tiny bit lonely a couple hours over the weekend, but it was nice to just relax and be a lone ranger for a few days. Since I am naturally optimistic, it should not come by surprise that I have a few more positives than negatives. By numbering these, know that I am merely making a list rather than stack ranking them.

1. Laundry
When you first see laundry, you probably think "wait shouldn't this be a negative?" However, the laundry issue is about as far from negative as possible. In fact, so far from a negative that it turns out it's a positive (ironically I placed it in the positives). Just to note that when it comes to doing laundry I am stellar, and that may be an understatement. Family members can vouch for me on this one. Yet, for how good I am at doing laundry, I am at least twice as good at not doing laundry if I do not have to. Hopefully by now you are starting to get the hint. Yes of course I was wearing clothes when out in public thankfully (or not depending on how you want to take that). Home was really not that much different except that my articles of clothing were significantly reduced. Enough to walk out of the garage and move my car, but not enough to stay outside for long without the neighbors getting calls. I will let your mind wander from there and fill in the details however you wish. The point is that besides what I was wearing to work, there was not much else for laundry. That is a good thing.

2. Cleaning
Once again this may seem like a negative. However, cleaning kept me busy. After all, who doesn't enjoy the satisfaction of being able to lie down on the couch in a clean home. Thanks to my wonderful mother, I am very meticulous when it comes to the cleanliness of many areas of my living space. My room is allowed to be an organized mess. Everything else I prefer to be spotless, especially the man cave and kitchen. To my surprise (shocked face), when my family left it was far from spotless. So, thanks to my mom, thanks to my pig brothers, much of Saturday was spent getting some things in order. Even some of my college items which I did not even touch until the beginning of July last summer. Getting everything cleaned up, especially the kitchen, is essential for a pleasant arrival home. I need a couple quick scenarios to demonstrate the importance of this.

               Scenario A: When I was younger we came back from vacation (I believe it was Florida that time as well) and the house reeked of a stench worse than most people are capable of producing. Turns out that someone had left something in the microwave that ending up rotting. Woof!

               Scenario B: This past year at the 3003 all the roommates left for spring break. Learning from scenario A all my dishes were clean and put away when I left for break. A couple of my roommates were not as smart or just flat out lazier than I, because I came back to the stench of Scenario A's older brother. Lucky me, I was attempting to entertain a special guest and had to inform them to plug their nose as they entered the dorm. Then quickly state that it was my roommates fault and not mine.

It is safe to assume that when my dad arrives home he will be well pleased with a tidied-up home and a clean cut lawn. 

3. TV

There is nothing more important to a man watching TV than to have the remote. Even if it means watching a stupid show that your girlfriend/wife wants to watch, a man will be much more reluctant to watch if he is holding the remote (women that is your cue to take a note on how to get your man to watch something you want him to watch). By now you are probably questioning me because I have neither a girlfriend or a wife. However, I have brothers who do just as good of job at watching dumb shows as any girlfriend or wife. During my stay alone, I had control of both remotes to our big screen TV's at all times. I cannot even watch both at the same time, but knowing I had control to any TV is a great feeling. I never once had to worry about turning on the TV and having to watch Cake Boss or Pawn Stars for a split second before I quickly change the channel. Despite my little time to indulge in a lot of TV, those days at home by myself was probably the best TV viewing experience I have had in a long time (maybe ever). 

My time at home alone was a good time of peace of quiet. I did not have to adhere to any other's wishes or rules. I did exactly what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. The positives always seem to outweigh the negatives, and once again this holds true. 

Keep Rolling Yahtzees

Highlight Reel

It has been a little over a week since my last post and I figured it is about time I throw another one out there to keep everyone entertained. Due to the length in between posts and the fact I have nothing to do now that school is over, this post is going to have some girth to it. I have a feeling that everyone has been on their toes in anticipation of this post. Not because the content of my blog is good or anything, but more so due to a tweet sent out earlier by me saying how awesome this post is going to be. My last post received 13 pageviews (1 of which was me so essentially 12) which is far more publicity than originally expected. Even though this blog is big time now I will continue to keep my ego in check because with great power comes great responsibility. I will forever remember those who have blogged before me and give me inspiration to continue. The great Mark the Shark and of course from our very own at NDubs, Lance Wetberg.

Most people see this time of year as extremely fun and enjoyable, a time of relaxation. Summer is finally here. Well technically we have to wait another 5 weeks, but according to students (or their parents) it is summer. Yet for NWC girls this time of year, especially this past week, can be a rough patch for them. Saying goodbye to friends for 3 months is one of the hardest things to do without crying. Ok so that was a lie and maybe I am just heartless, but I just do not get it. For the most part these relationships that provoke crying are the ones between a couple of people who will stay in regular contact over the summer anyway.

Alright I apologize for the glimpse of touchy feely stuff and will go onto the main point. It has been another epic year at the 3003 and it is time to look back on some of the highlights of the year. I do not have time to hit everything so if something gets left out it must not have been that good of a highlight because I already forgot about it. These highlights are in no particular order and I am leaving it up to a power greater than myself (my viewers) to verbally or non verbally rank them if they wish.

1. "You were a sophomore last year" ~ Coach Talley
Within five minutes of the 2011 football season, Matt "Dammo" Dammann was already being scolded by the head coach. The typical clowns (Goose, Cyle, Tom, Dammo, Delain, Balzer, Entler, me, and others) are seated in the back row in between conversation and paying attention to all the ridiculous rules we must adhere to as NCAA DIII athletes. If I recall the situation correctly, Goose lifted up a cheek and let out a squeaker. Being as immature as we are, guys are chuckling under their breath to avoid a scene in the back of the room. Without hesitation Dammo says "PULL" while lifting his arms in the air resembling a gun at the same time. By now the back of the room is not doing a very good job of keeping the laughter under control. Heads are turning in the front rows. Coach Talley seeing the entire episode in real time, yells back at his understudy "you were a sophomore last year." To this day this quote is used whenever anything immature is done.

2. "Hiatus"
Thanks to me at least 3 other people's vocabulary added a new word. Dictionary.com defines hiatus as a break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc. This is exactly how we defined Repp's relationship status. He was on a hiatus. Both he and Mollie knew they wanted to date, but for some reason there was an interruption in the work. The hiatus finally ended in early December, but for the previous 3 months it was a great joke. Also, it was funny to see Repp delaying them becoming official for as long as he could. Classic Repp, always late and never in a hurry.

3. 3rd floor Moyer girls
The great part about pranking girls, especially homeschoolers, is that guys always come up with something far more disgusting than any girl can think of. As I remember it, some girls decided to go through our back door to get into the building. Balzer chased them up the stairwell, and when he got back he looked out onto our porch and there were corn cobs and husks laying in our area. Balzer informed GT of the shenanigans taking place. GT then took the corn cobs and husks and chucked them up onto the 3rd floor porch belonging to these girls. Knowing an epic battle was about to occur, Balzer called in the cavalry and Repp and I were coming in hot. The girls threw the trash back down and it was war. Of course in MoTown, we had trash reserves for weeks in our kitchen. We began throwing random trash up onto their deck. They kept throwing it back so we needed to figure out a way to not allow them to throw it back. We filled up a garbage bag with 10 year old whey protein, bad milk, pasta sauce, ranch, and other spoiled food. Upon throwing the bag up on the deck it exploded all over their door and into the room on the walls. It smelled so bad that one girl threw up at least twice. Next thing we know they are attempting to barge into our room and four guys are having some trouble holding them back if you know what I mean (granted I was only a month or so out from ACL surgery). We tried spraying febreeze to hold them back but one girl got it in her eye (potential chemical burn there that GT would know all about). We decided to help her out with some toilet paper to clean out her eye. The girls now wanted to form a truce and have us help them clean up, but there was no way we were going up there. Somehow we convinced them to buy us donuts and a 2 liter of Mountain Dew for us. We took the deal and did not clean up a single thing. Double win for MoTown.

4. Cole Mortels Potty Mouth
Basketball season is something to look forward to every year. Watching the "Wet Quartet" go to work each game makes for a good time. However, for the "heckling section" (Dammo, Cyle, Hap, Rio, Entler, Chris Wallace, and I) we care far more about getting in the opponents' heads than cheering for our own squad. The Eagles were squaring off with the Saints from St. Scholastica and we were hot. The game was starting to get carried away, and we were on our game in the heckling section. Cole Mortels, a Saints freshman, had shot multiple air balls during the game and we were letting him know about it. Every time he touched the ball, "air ball" chants were heading his way. Late in the game he put up a trey ball after we had been yelling "air ball" at him, he proceeded to hit the shot, turn around, and point his finger at our section saying "F*** You." Later we played St. Scholastica in the conference tourney and every time he touched the ball we changed our chant from "air ball" to "potty mouth."

5. The four pranksters
It is a Friday night and MoTown is just trying to hang out with the same girls we have been chilling with for months (Mollie, BK, Erin, Jana). However, they had been planning this bonfire at another guys house who they hardly even knew. For some reason we thought this was unacceptable and we were not happy. Balzer was not in for the night due to some homework like normal. Me, Repp, and GT called over Kendall "Yaminashi" Sommerlot. We had determined to prank their car by putting it up on cinder blocks, saran wrap it, and maybe string some empty pop cans to drag across the ground under the car. We sat in the old folks home and waited to follow them to the destination. Everything was going as planned, but then we lost them on the interstate. Luckily GT already had a potential address we thought they may be headed to. We arrived just shortly after them and headed to Wal-Mart to get supplies. We got back to the bonfire and went to work. We placed cinder blocks just inside the 2 front tires leaving the car elevated about an inch off the ground. We started saran wrapping and used at least 4 rolls on the car. We went back to get the empty pop cans, but when Kendall and Repp were getting close to the car, people from the bonfire were in the front yard. They ran to our predestined meet up spot and we soon picked them up. We were far to impressed with ourselves to leave like that, so we made a couple rounds driving past the car on side streets. On the final round, we gave a good long honk to let them know they had been had. We drove back to MoTown gawking at our work for the night.

6. "Oh Deer"
One Sunday in early November MFrat was driving back from church and saw a dead deer in the median. We did not think anything of it and continued on with the day. Later in the afternoon we were getting restless and were feeling the need to pull some shenanigans. Someone (I wish I could remember who) jokingly said we should pick up that dead deer and do something with it. We laughed at the idea, but within a few minutes that dumb idea started to become a reality. GT went to the spring shop to pick up the truck we needed while we informed Kendall and Kabakas we needed help to pull some fun. We picked up the dead deer in the median and placed it into the truck (Its broken front leg was the least of our problems because you could smell that foul stench from miles away). Kendall was driving, along with GT in the truck, and we pulled up to Ashley Neelans house and dragged the dead deer across her front lawn placing it right outside her front door. Now we sat and waited for an epic reaction. It never came. We were getting restless. We reentered our vehicles and continued to sit and wait. We knew the girls had looked out the front door, but for some reason they did not open the front door. So we thought maybe if we drove away to look like we were leaving the scene of the crime they would come out to assess the damage. We lied in the bushes waiting. Next thing we know, a spot light is looking down the street. Repp and I recognize the fuzz and we scram like a bunch of illegals when the INS shows up. We hop a couple fences (this is before I had ACL surgery) and ran down to a cul-de-sac about a half mile from her house. Meanwhile Kendall, Coco, Balzer, and GT were hiding in the bushes avoiding the cops. Finally, the cops gave up and walked down the street saying they had already tagged the vehicles and knew who we were. Those four came out of the bushes and after realizing it was just a prank the cops laughed and asked Ashley if she wanted to press charges. She said no, but we had to clean up the mess. This was by far our worst prank because we actually had to clean up the mess. That was awful, but well worth it.

This year was just another year great year at the NDubs and I felt I needed to reminisce on some of the fun we had over the course of the year. I want to thank everyone who has helped make this year a success with their contributions to the Highlight Reel.

Keep Rolling Yahtzees

Lead Foot

Before I even get started I want to thank all my dedicated followers (maybe 2 or 3 people if I am lucky) who have stuck with me through thick and thin of me blogging about social media for the past 3 months. Now, like I had promised, your hand will be in and out of the cookie jar enough to make up for lost time. The best part about this cookie jar is that no one is watching and there is no spoiling of your dinner because this is the main course. So I hope you are hungry because there is plenty to go around. Start feasting.

I need to give a little background first before I go into my main topic. Think of this as the appetizer before the steak comes out. I am from Hinton, IA which is in the Northwest portion of the state. I go to school up in Minneapolis, MN. The drive according to mapquest or google maps is supposed to take me 5 hours and 10 minutes. Lets just say I would have a heart attack if it ever took me this long. Now to the steak!

This morning I planned to leave my house around 11 AM and was hoping to arrive at the N Dubs by 3:15. I hit the snooze a couple more times than originally intended but was still on the road by 11:25. This of course was no big deal. The only reason for the 11 AM planned departure was to avoid traffic in the cities because it starts to get fairly heavy by 4. Of course being from Iowa (or the boondocks whichever you prefer), the worst traffic I saw as a kid was when a combine was going around a long corner or up a hill and there was a 2 or 3 car pile up waiting to pass.

The 11:25 leaving time was absolutely perfect because I needed to fill up which takes about 5 minutes, which essentially makes the leaving time 11:30. This nice time allows me to time the trip to a T, and trust me I know all the benchmarks to see if I am on pace or not. My fastest time ever is 4 hours and 6 minutes and no matter the circumstances I always see if I can top it. It is my version of the driving olympics. Just like Humans vs Zombies is the olympics for homeschoolers at NWC. Right now there is some frustrating construction in Worthington, MN that causes me to back track slightly, which makes it nearly impossible to beat the record. Nevertheless, I won't let construction be an excuse and still try to knock off the top mark.

The drive is going swimmingly minus the occasional old drivers and "left hand lingerers." By 1:30 I have realized the record is most likely not going down today because I have missed the 2 hour bench mark by enough time that not even the heaviest of feet could make up for it. By the time I reach the 1 hour from NWC marker, I am on pace for a 3:40 ETA. This is fantastic considering the construction and would be my best time with the current detour I am forced to take.

The next thing I know I am being passed by not 1 not 2, but 3 cars (that was kinda the opposite of the LeBron speech for me) Me being passed is a rarity. When I am driving I see myself as the pace car during a caution in NASCAR. Yet, I am glad to give up the reigns every once in a while, especially if it helps me avoid a ticket from the fuzz. Once they had all passed, I let off the cruise and pushed ahead to keep pace with the leaders. The way I was pushing the old Buick during this stretch I still had some hope of pulling out the record books.

I would have to humbly say I am easily in the upper 99th percentile of good drivers in America. I am also fairly convinced nearly all traffic jams would be avoided if everyone drove like me. Every driver has a lead foot I just happen to use the lead foot on the accelerator. I would reckon to say all drivers who use their lead foot for the break (which is almost everyone) are the first to blame for pointless traffic jams. 

I reached Bloomington, which is home to the best athlete at NWC (interpret that how you want but I know who is getting my vote and his initials are RF). My foot has loosened slightly but no need to panic yet. I exit onto 494 and traffic is fairly clear and the record is about 2 minutes out of reach. Then all of a sudden I go from 70 MPH to stopped. The record vanished like a fart in the wind (Shawshank Redemption quote). My mood quickly changes and my iPod goes off and KTIS comes on. To make matters worse, I have been in the car for over 3 hours and the tall glasses of orange juice I downed before I left are catching up on me real quick. I am a little antsy and I am at a complete halt.

For the next half hour I am between 0 and 70 fairly frequently. I have no idea who is at the head of this pack but I am frustrated. I finally reach NWC at 3:52. A 4 hour and 22 minute drive. Not bad but I had been so close to the record. Thus my frustrations. Like most stories, this one has a happy ending as well. I finally walk into the beloved MoTown and am able to relieve myself before going over to Ericksen to put in a few alley-oops.

I end on one of the best quotes and all credit goes to my eldest brother Dan. If you adopt this saying I know I have accomplished more than enough through this post. "If you are driving at or below the speed limit you are lost." Remember this quote and may your lead foot be on the accelerator and help us all out.

Keep Rolling Yahtzee's