Wow has it ever been a while since you have gotten Yahtzee's
roll on life. I would like to think that my poor viewership is because it is
nice out and people are enjoying their summer break. The key word there is
"like". A whoppin 6 people read the last one. I even tried to
estimate the percentage of the world population who would read it, and I
overestimated big time. I have a feeling this is due to me only appealing to
the male population. So I have decided at least for this one time to try and
appeal to both sexes.
I have titled this post Relationships 101 and have mentioned
jokingly a few times that I should hold a seminar in chapel for the women at
NWC. Even though I think I am an expert in this field, my in class experiments
have not received very high marks so I cannot move up to 201 until I pass 101.
Hopefully if you are in this 101 stage I can help you move up to 201. I will be
covering some of the basics I have gathered over my failed experiments while
throwing in some of my own roll.
When writing a paper or giving a speech you are supposed to
establish some credibility. This is where this blog falls apart. I am trying to
appeal to both sexes in this post but I cannot even do it real life, so I am
still unsure how I will do it in this blog. This is either great news or bad
news. Great news if you are a lady and wondering if I am single. Bad news if
you are lady because you have already quit reading or because by the end of
this post my situation with the ladies will probably worsen. I see this as a
double win (thanks coach Talley for helping me see the double win in every
situation even when it is a double lose).
CHICK FLICKS: Every girl I have ever known loves The
Notebook and thoroughly enjoys watching a romantic film AKA "chick
flicks". Honestly I do not mind watching a chick flick every now and then
(However I refuse to watch The Notebook until I am very advanced in a
relationship or married). The key to watching a chick flick is seeing it from
the man's perspective. For example, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days from the man's
view is How to Win a Girl Over in 10 days. I know, I am a genius. Now back to
my point with chick flicks. In these movies, the girl always realizes near the
end that the man she originally was going after was a loser and there was another
guy who loved her for who she was. This is all happy and lovey dovey but far
from reality. I want to see a chick flick where the girl does not figure out
the guy is a loser, and she ends up marrying him and there isn't a happy
ending. Statistics prove that about 50% of the time this happens, even to the
finest of NWC. Therefore, I think about 50% of chick flicks should have a bad
ending. Get back to reality women.
MORALE OF THE STORY: Women tend to think with their hearts more than
their brains. Make sure you are using both.
EXCLUSIVE: People always talk and ask "so are you guys
exclusive?" This is the dumbest thing in my opinion. I think you are
always exclusive. Either you are exclusive to yourself or you are exclusive
with one person. Obviously exclusive to yourself means you are single and not
talking to anyone of the opposite sex. Exclusive to one person means you are
talking, dating, or married to one person. If you find yourself talking to
someone of the opposite sex and then find out they are interested in someone
else, one of two things happened. Either they are pulling the "we are just
friends" or they were confused on who they liked. Either way these are not
the people you want to be going after. There should never be a time where you
are talking to multiple people. People have enough trouble dealing with one
person. How are you supposed to handle multiple? And do not give me that bull
"oh we are just friends and talk a lot" (I will cover this BS more in
depth later).
MORALE OF THE STORY: Men be a "one woman" man.
Women be a "one man" woman.
HANGING OUT: This is directed at women for the most part but
could be pointed at some men. No dude just wants to hang out with girls because
if he is just looking for a good time he will choose hanging out with other dudes
every time. Let's face it. Dudes are just way funnier and come up with crazier
plans and ideas. This is why women love to hang out with guys and think nothing
is there. In reality, if a guy is hanging out with girls there are a couple
reasons why. Number 1, and usually the only reason, is that he is interested in
a girl. If the hanging out is always in a group this is because the guy is not
ready for a one-on-one hangout yet. If you are a girl and think hanging out
with a guy one-on-one is because you are just friends, think again. Number
2 is that one of the dudes friends has a girlfriend so his guy friends are just
hanging out with her girl friends. This is a group setting and completely
harmless. But what you may find in this scenario, is that you find a special
someone anyway because that is what couples do. They set up their
friends.
MORALE OF THE STORY: Men, do not just hang out with girls
unless you have a motive because this is how women get confused. Women if you
are hanging out with a guy mano a mano he is most certainly interested.
JUST FRIENDS: The worst possible thing a man can hear is
"I wanna be just friends" or "we are just friends". I know
for me and probably many other men as well, I would rather just get rejected
than have a girl want to be "just friends". The only time a man
may say he still wants to be friends with a girl is after a break up or
stoppage of play, but this is only because he does not want it to be
awkward. And by the way, aren't you supposed to marry your best friend? So
when a girl says she wants to be "just friends" a man should be
optimistic right? Even I cannot take that last statement seriously. To the
girls, no guy wants to be just friends. Referring back to the hanging out
section, if a guy was looking to be "just friends" he might as well
forget the girl and go back to his guy friends. Girls are the only ones who
benefit from being "just friends" because like I said before, dudes
are just hilarious and awesome to be around. Women who are "just
friends" have a parasitic relationship with men. They benefit while the
man is harmed.
MORALE OF THE STORY: "Just friends" rivals one
other scenario (I will cover the other one later) as the worst situation for a
man to be in. Men avoid it. Women don't ruin a man like that.
FRIEND ZONE: This is the most dangerous territory for a man
to be around. There is a fine line between the friend zone and becoming friends
with a girl to hopefully court her. When I say this line is fine, it is so fine
that you could be on one side of the line and then all of a sudden a slight
breeze blows you way over to the other side. This might as well be called the
DANGER ZONE instead of the FRIEND ZONE. It is unbelievably obvious when someone
is in the friend zone, too. I often find myself laughing at these people even
though somewhere deep down inside I grieve for that man because sometimes it is
not his fault. Women are too shallow sometimes. It is a double standard, but
men are "allowed" to be shallow because they get to choose who they
go after (Ultimately it is the girl who decides if they date or not so women
use this power wisely). However, some guys live in the friend zone. I
have no sympathy for these guys. For some reason they love getting deep into
the friend zone with a bunch of girls. I think to myself "hey dude that's
cool that you have all those sweet girl friends but don't have any guy
friends." That was sarcastic of course. If you are a guy and find yourself
getting close to the friend zone it is time to SOAP (strap on a pair) up and
ask her on a date. If you get rejected nothing changes except all of a sudden
you become exclusive to yourself which is actually pretty awesome. Do not ever
get rejected and continue down the path of the "just friends" but we
hang out all the time. Once you start down the dark path of the friend zone,
forever will it dominate your destiny (just had a Yoda moment there). There are
RARE instances where a man must enter the friend zone. This is usually because
she is not ready to date for whatever reason. Tread carefully my young
grasshoppers, and as soon as you sense the friend zone becoming long-term get
the heck out of dodge.
MORALE OF THE STORY: Men, SOAP up and ask her out. Women do
not let a man wander in the friend zone. Let him know if he has chance or if he
should give up.
GOD RELATIONSHIP: There is no doubt if you have been around
the NWC campus, or any Christian campus for that matter, you have heard of this
statement “I need to work on my relationship with God before we can date.” This
is lamest excuse known to the relationship world and rivals “just friends” as
the worst possible situation for a man to be in. Most of the time I interpret
it to mean “I don’t want to date you now or ever”. The worst part about this
excuse is that it is flawless. It is un-arguable. If you question someone
saying they don’t need to work on their relationship with God, you all of a
sudden become a heathen. Maybe I am a terrible person because I question the
validity of this excuse all the time. Shouldn’t you have your relationship with
God worked out before you even attempt to start seriously talking to a member
of the opposite sex? Are all these people suddenly realizing “oh shoot I really
like this awesome person but my relationship with God sucks?” Ya I laughed
at that last statement, too. According to Proverbs, iron sharpens iron so
technically a relationship with another human should strengthen your
relationship with God. Drew Shepp just hashtagged boom right there (don’t you
just hate when you know you are a genius). I could semi understand a situation
where this excuse is used, and the couple continue to hang out and move towards
dating. AKA the “hiatus.” I still do not applaud that situation, but at least
it lacks the underlying meaning of this excuse most of the time.
MORALE OF THE STORY: Getting your vertical relationship
right before you work on a horizontal relationship with the opposite sex will
help you avoid this excuse forever.
These are just a few of the basics to the relationship
world. Thus this is only a 100 level post. Sometimes the truth can hurt
and this post maybe opened a few eyes. I have no filter and I speak
truth. Hopefully with my help you have passed Relationships 101. I realize
that in my due time I may too pass, but until then I am in the Bachelor to the
Rapture club and reppin hard.
Keep Rollin Yahtzees
