Male Phenomenons

One successful date for an avid follower and 30 pageviews later I am up and at it again. I cannot say how honored I am for a friend to give some credit to a blog for getting him a date. I have a tough time believing I had anything to do with it, but it serves as a good laugh and I appreciate that. My last post really tried to captivate the audience of both sexes and it appears as though it worked. Hopefully you ladies keep checking in.

So I am working at Blue Bunny (a post on Blue Bunny coming early August) and have a good amount of time to just sit and relax by myself. While I am just sitting in a warm up room by myself, I all of a sudden come to the realization of some of the phenomenons of being a man. Being a man is truly a high calling, but there are some things about men that could make you, especially women, wonder if we men are a different species all together.

It is a proven fact that women are more influenced by how a man smells rather than how he looks. This is a detriment to being a man. Let me prove my point in the first phenomenon of being a man. Men smell. I cannot explain why but men have forever been haunted with smelliness. This fact can be proven through a simple experiment. Take 5 or 6 guys and place them in an enclosed room such a dorm room. Have all of them enter freshly showered. Have the room set at comfortable room temperature around 70 degrees with a fan keeping the temperature constant. Make sure no man is physically touching another man which ensures there is plenty of leg room and space. The number one rule is no farting (this is impossible but for experiment sake it must be controlled). Turn on a movie for a couple hours and once the movie is over have a lady enter the room and it will stink. Each individual man will smell fine, but for some reason the collective group will have some major BO. I will never be able to explain why this is, but ladies we cannot help it and have no way of stopping it. It truly is head-scratcher.

My sister-in-law was down for a weekend and was complaining about my brothers outfit. He was wearing these moccasin type slippers that she was not too pleased about because they should not be worn out of the house according to her. Why is it that for years women have been trying to regulate what their spouses are wearing. I realize that if he is too sloppy it reflects on her but come on wearing moccasins to visit family seems far fetched to worry about. What really bothers wives is typically the man's entire wardrobe. Men could care less about getting new clothes as long as the old ones still fit. Why waste the money? I see no problem with wearing a shirt or pair of jeans you have from high school if still fits. Ladies are up in arms about this. It's ludicrous in their eyes. Men want comfort and there is nothing more comfortable than a pair of underwear or an old shirt that has adapted to our bodies curves, and men will hold onto these clothes like we hold onto the remote. Women on the other hand cannot bear the idea of not having new outfits and not wearing the same 5 shirts before she does the laundry again. The underlying reason for this is women just want to shop. Women want fashion and men could not care less about fashion as long as it is comfortable. This explains the underwear with huge holes in them, sweatpants all the time, walking around in just underwear when its appropriate, and of course the infamous slippers that every man has.

One of my favorite TV shows is Rules of Engagement and on an episode a couple weeks ago the married man went maternity shopping with his wife. He ended up leaving the store with a pair of maternity jeans for himself. This is brilliant and every man loves the idea of pants that expand at the waste. Not only does this avoid having to buy bigger pants when men get fatter, it also keeps us from unbottoning the pants after a big meal. Why is it that only men have to unbutton their pants after eating a lot? Maybe because we are creatures of no manners, but the women do not even have a desire to loosen up their waste line after chowing down. Perhaps the women would feel fat if they did or perhaps they refuse to stoop that low with their manners. Either or this act is meant only for the male species. Every man understands the importance of wearing sweatpants on Thanksgiving or the pants will be unbuttoned to make room for dessert.

The final phenomenon of the male species is the idea of the ultimate bathroom. Every man dreams of a bathroom with a reclining toilet, fridge, and a TV. The only reason I can think of to explain this is because this is the only room in the house that men can truly claim as their own. This is the throne room for men. All other rooms are controlled by the women with decorations. No matter how old, men for centuries have seen the importance of having something to do while they relieve themselves. Magazines are a thing of the past for current generations and men have moved on to the laptop/smartphone era. I would venture to say more men spend time on Facebook on the pot than any other specific time of the day. Men will go to obscure lengths to ensure their time on the pot is not wasted. TV's in the bathroom will hit its era in the near future, and oh hasten that day. Women there is absolutely nothing you can do about this. You have to let the man own the bathroom. Women spend much more time in the bathroom, but this is due to lengthy showers, hair/makeup, and there is always a mirror in the bathroom. When it comes to doing business, men spend much longer which is why the laptop among other things are vitally important if men are to have a successful time dropping a deuce.

Know that this list is far from exhaustive and there are countless other male phenomenons. I apologize if you leave this post scratching your head at manhood just as much as before you starting reading. I attempted to explain some of the strangest male phenomenons, but sometimes there are things that will always be left unexplained. Thus the fact that they are phenomenons.

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