I apologize for the late arrival of this blog, but my computer was out of commission for a few days while I waited for a power cord to be sent to the bachelor pad in Brookings.
I call this section texting but really I expand it all the way out to any sort of communication through messaging. This is where women have the power. For the most part, a man's messaging does not involve anything but words and periods. Women on the other hand use all the fancy buttons ! :) ;) :( :0 :/. If he is found using these fancy buttons please refer back to "How to Read Men Like a Book" and realize he likes you. Let me explain how women really have the power here. This is an excellent way for a girl to show interest very early on. It is light, easy, and does not seem out of place. Men are animals and stupid on the side. When a girl thinks she is giving subtle hints, I would venture to say that the guy has no clue a majority of the time. Sometimes guys need a little extra nudge for him to realize there is potential. Ideally, men would just walk around and say "hey, you are good looking. Let's go on a date." Society has made everything so complicated. Unfortunately, most Christian women would think he is coming on a little too strong if a man displayed this kind of behavior (or he would instantaneously fall into the creepy or charming category based solely on his looks). I am always a huge fan of men initiating anything big, it is up to you whether or not you deem this as a big step or not. Remember, this may be just what he needs to get the hint.
Now my final point to bring this section to a close, all sources of messaging works both ways. If the man is constantly the one initiating everything, he will become frustrated. It's a drag to always have to initiate conversation even if he is crazy about the girl. A woman who knows how to initiate conversation is to be valued more than fine jewels and a man shall reward her greatly (the texting proverb).
Tip #3 Showing Interest
This is different from the texting section because this advice is for personal communication. Showing interest is easy as long as the girl can become comfortable enough to put herself out on a limb. All women have to do is two simple things. First, laugh at some things he says even if they are not that funny. Secondly, be physical. Light slaps on the arm, grabbing his arm, a quick back scratch, or anything similar will send the appropriate message. The beauty of being physical with him is that you will get a reaction and that reaction will tell you how he received physical contact. Men have a hard time hiding their "feelings" when touched. Take that however you want, but it is true.
Tip #4 Killing the Cat
This is a phrase I often use to explain getting rid of an unwanted male. A quick story will help describe when this phrase is to be used in proper context. A few weeks ago I was hanging out with my brother who is a sophomore (junior to be) in college. One of his friends that is a girl was talking about how annoyed she was with this "creepy" guy (I put creepy in quotes here and am referring to the creepy/charming category I briefly mentioned earlier). Anyway, this creepy guy would not quit texting/snapchatting her. I asked her if she would text him back. She proceeded to explain how she does text back because she does not want to be rude. I then inserted my famous phrase, "you gotta take the cat out back and shoot it right between the eyes." Gruesome but necessary. Killing the Cat means you must be straight-forward, to the point, and probably a little mean depending on how relentless he is. I give the Tim Youtzy guarantee that if done exactly like I stated, that creepy guy will not bother you anymore. The skill of Killing the Cat is a must for all women. This is a life skill and may even help you avoid being pressured into an unwanted relationship. You are welcome.
Tip#5 Immature Man
Women need to learn to decipher between two separate types of immaturity which I often think are wrongly placed together. I think some women see immaturity as a single issue, but really there are two different types that are separate issues. Spiritually immature vs. bodily immature. Spiritually immature is an instant red flag and may require Killing the Cat. Bodily immature is unavoidable. I know plenty of happily married men who are advanced in age who still laugh at the passing of gas and make jokes referring to bedroom activity. The only men who do not find any of this comical are dead. Enjoy trying to find a dead boyfriend. Even the Saint Josh Balzer can be found chuckling from time to time at things a 5 year old would laugh at. The bodily immature side of every man must be embraced by every women only to the point where the girl shakes her head and moves on.
Tip #6 Optimal Wife
If you surveyed every UNW male, I am for certain that if asked which they would prefer, their wife to work vs. being a stay at home mom, over 90% would choose the latter. A girl with career ambition is greatly appreciated. In the end, if she gives up her goals to be a homemaker there is only one thing hotter: my final point.
Above all tips, this is the one to put a heavy focus on. Every Christian man wants a woman firmly rooted in her Christian beliefs. As cliche as that sounds, I do not think we look to this as a great asset when attracting a Christian mate. When a girl's Christian beliefs are evident, there is nothing more attractive. The more their beliefs match up, the more attractive she will become. I guarantee that.
After full reflection upon this topic I hope you are approaching my mental competence when it comes to relationships. To be honest, hopefully you have passed me a long time ago but just find my blog entertaining.
My ego wants this post to go UNW viral like some previous ones, but the humble side of me thinks this may have been my final post. I will continue with the "Schultz Agreement" but this may have been a good post to end on. Perhaps it is my time to wrap it up. All good things must come to end. It would be a great honor to pass the torch on like my masters before me (Club Trillion -> Lance Wetberg, mixing in some Thoughts from the Guardshack) who unknowingly got me to this point.
Best of luck to all on your journey from 101 to 401.
Tootles
Perhaps the only reason some people read my blog is due to the shout out portion. I love the tradition I have created with this segment. The small chance that one can reach celebrity status on such a prestigious blog as mine gravitates people to this section. Unless of course you are Josh Swore and it has become routine to be name dropped. The shout out correlates to a little under 10 seconds of fame assuming between an 8th or 9th grade reading level based on the 1993 National Assessment of Adult Literacy. Let's move right into the 10 second slots. Feel free to time yourself if you are self conscious about your reading level. Shout out to Isaac Schultz who has become my president of marketing and doing a fabulous job I might add. He is responsible for bringing me out of retirement and helping to keep the blog afloat. Shout out to @UNW_DatingTips (we have a quid pro-quo relationship) who also markets my blog to almost 400 UNW students. I appreciate the advertising and would like to encourage all who do not follow them to do so immediately. Shout out to Prez Cureton for possibly reading this blog. Schultz has done wonders on this marketing piece and I would be honored to have the Bigga Figga (helps to say in a gangsta voice) become a fervent reader. Finally, I need to give a well deserved shout out to Rob Reynolds. Robbie Baby! Rob has graciously provided the topic for this blog. A quick side note I need to add before wrapping up Rob's shout out portion. Rob has showed an unbelievable amount of hospitality at the Merrill home and if any lady is lucky enough to take advantage of that I highly recommend it. After all, my affections for the deer stand and Balzer sleeping below are vast, but parting ways from the house for a certain female would bring honor to both the deer stand and another land lord's pocket book.
Once again I am being asked to present on an idea I have no real credibility. I am bewildered as to why people even read my blogs on relationship advice. This blog has become the male version of Dear Abby. Twice have I tried my luck on asking a female on a date. The responses were opposite but the end result was shared. Eons of dating history has allowed me to formulate theories not intended to be known by the common man. As always, before continuing be prepared for absolute truth. May I recommend a few things to the women? The intent of this post is to create irresistible women through advice for continuous improvement. Taking knowledge from Relationships 102: How to Read Men Like a Book and now this post, women readers of my blog should be dropping like flies from the single ranks. Relationships 103: Tips for Women.
Tip #1 Cosmetics
This section contains tips on hair, makeup, and tanning.
It has long been known that men are attracted to longer hair. I will not go into why this is the case (I know why but will not say), but it is true. Careful to not be extreme with this tip because hair down to one's buttocks is a 'hair' too long for my liking and I believe I speak for all men. Short hair can provide a great look for some women, however a quick story will illustrate why this is not ideal. When my sister got back from Bolivia, she had cut off a few inches of her hair. Before the cut, she had hair slightly past her shoulders (at least I think so) and after the cut it was not below her neck. The cut did not look bad by any means but it gave her what I call a "mom" look. Mom's usually have shorter hair because it is one less thing for babies to be pulling at above the belt. It is only hair and will grow back, but if you are trying to get your hots on I suggest longer hair.
My final suggestion on hair is to be wary of color change. For some apparent reason, women feel the need to change their look with more frequency than men would like. Even though it may not be true, whenever I see a girl changing her look frequently it screams lack of self confidence. By changing her look I am not referring to straightening, curling, or whatever else ladies do on a daily basis. Small changes like those may actually generate an extremely favorable response. If a man goes as far as complimenting the change without the girl asking, he is a huge fan and his true thoughts are "wow you look gorgeous today." (It does not count if you ask him what he thinks because that is the same trap as the classic overweight girl asking "do I look fat?" either he lies or gets slapped in the face. Lose-lose even if he does legitimately like the change) The most dangerous of color changes involves red. There are plenty of women who look good with their natural red hair, however switching to ginger status is never an upgrade for a natural blonde or brunette. Please do every man a favor and keep your natural color - highlights acceptable.
As far as makeup goes, men greatly respect a woman who takes time to get ready each morning. However, there is a big difference between putting on some makeup and looking like you fell face first into wedding cake. The more natural the look the better. No makeup at all is a medium risk-astronomical reward situation. A fear of every man is to wake up in the morning and not recognize his wife. Makeup will never cause a woman to make a huge leap in 1-10 rating scale. Less is more.
I wrap up the cosmetics section with my advice on tanning. Tan women look good. Contrary to popular belief, orange is not so good. There is not a natural mate for the orange people. In my opinion, they fall into a completely new race. If you do not take my advice on tanning I suggest transferring to Syracuse where you will most likely be received with open arms and a complimentary bag of cheetos on the house. I have never seen the sun create an orange girl so be cautious of tanning beds. Being pasty in the winter in the frozen tundra is expected.
Tip #2 Texting
I call this section texting but really I expand it all the way out to any sort of communication through messaging. This is where women have the power. For the most part, a man's messaging does not involve anything but words and periods. Women on the other hand use all the fancy buttons ! :) ;) :( :0 :/. If he is found using these fancy buttons please refer back to "How to Read Men Like a Book" and realize he likes you. Let me explain how women really have the power here. This is an excellent way for a girl to show interest very early on. It is light, easy, and does not seem out of place. Men are animals and stupid on the side. When a girl thinks she is giving subtle hints, I would venture to say that the guy has no clue a majority of the time. Sometimes guys need a little extra nudge for him to realize there is potential. Ideally, men would just walk around and say "hey, you are good looking. Let's go on a date." Society has made everything so complicated. Unfortunately, most Christian women would think he is coming on a little too strong if a man displayed this kind of behavior (or he would instantaneously fall into the creepy or charming category based solely on his looks). I am always a huge fan of men initiating anything big, it is up to you whether or not you deem this as a big step or not. Remember, this may be just what he needs to get the hint.
Now my final point to bring this section to a close, all sources of messaging works both ways. If the man is constantly the one initiating everything, he will become frustrated. It's a drag to always have to initiate conversation even if he is crazy about the girl. A woman who knows how to initiate conversation is to be valued more than fine jewels and a man shall reward her greatly (the texting proverb).
Tip #3 Showing Interest
This is different from the texting section because this advice is for personal communication. Showing interest is easy as long as the girl can become comfortable enough to put herself out on a limb. All women have to do is two simple things. First, laugh at some things he says even if they are not that funny. Secondly, be physical. Light slaps on the arm, grabbing his arm, a quick back scratch, or anything similar will send the appropriate message. The beauty of being physical with him is that you will get a reaction and that reaction will tell you how he received physical contact. Men have a hard time hiding their "feelings" when touched. Take that however you want, but it is true.
Tip #4 Killing the Cat
This is a phrase I often use to explain getting rid of an unwanted male. A quick story will help describe when this phrase is to be used in proper context. A few weeks ago I was hanging out with my brother who is a sophomore (junior to be) in college. One of his friends that is a girl was talking about how annoyed she was with this "creepy" guy (I put creepy in quotes here and am referring to the creepy/charming category I briefly mentioned earlier). Anyway, this creepy guy would not quit texting/snapchatting her. I asked her if she would text him back. She proceeded to explain how she does text back because she does not want to be rude. I then inserted my famous phrase, "you gotta take the cat out back and shoot it right between the eyes." Gruesome but necessary. Killing the Cat means you must be straight-forward, to the point, and probably a little mean depending on how relentless he is. I give the Tim Youtzy guarantee that if done exactly like I stated, that creepy guy will not bother you anymore. The skill of Killing the Cat is a must for all women. This is a life skill and may even help you avoid being pressured into an unwanted relationship. You are welcome.
Tip#5 Immature Man
Women need to learn to decipher between two separate types of immaturity which I often think are wrongly placed together. I think some women see immaturity as a single issue, but really there are two different types that are separate issues. Spiritually immature vs. bodily immature. Spiritually immature is an instant red flag and may require Killing the Cat. Bodily immature is unavoidable. I know plenty of happily married men who are advanced in age who still laugh at the passing of gas and make jokes referring to bedroom activity. The only men who do not find any of this comical are dead. Enjoy trying to find a dead boyfriend. Even the Saint Josh Balzer can be found chuckling from time to time at things a 5 year old would laugh at. The bodily immature side of every man must be embraced by every women only to the point where the girl shakes her head and moves on.
Tip #6 Optimal Wife
If you surveyed every UNW male, I am for certain that if asked which they would prefer, their wife to work vs. being a stay at home mom, over 90% would choose the latter. A girl with career ambition is greatly appreciated. In the end, if she gives up her goals to be a homemaker there is only one thing hotter: my final point.
Above all tips, this is the one to put a heavy focus on. Every Christian man wants a woman firmly rooted in her Christian beliefs. As cliche as that sounds, I do not think we look to this as a great asset when attracting a Christian mate. When a girl's Christian beliefs are evident, there is nothing more attractive. The more their beliefs match up, the more attractive she will become. I guarantee that.
After full reflection upon this topic I hope you are approaching my mental competence when it comes to relationships. To be honest, hopefully you have passed me a long time ago but just find my blog entertaining.
My ego wants this post to go UNW viral like some previous ones, but the humble side of me thinks this may have been my final post. I will continue with the "Schultz Agreement" but this may have been a good post to end on. Perhaps it is my time to wrap it up. All good things must come to end. It would be a great honor to pass the torch on like my masters before me (Club Trillion -> Lance Wetberg, mixing in some Thoughts from the Guardshack) who unknowingly got me to this point.
Best of luck to all on your journey from 101 to 401.
Tootles
I cannot believe I am just reading this now. Haha This is just great. I really do enjoy your blog posts :)
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